Ok one more bc I contoured these cheekbones and it paid off and Shari is giving “She’s been my Ace since we were kids” sweet n sexy. As much time as I gotta spend managing my darkness, being gifted with these people and moments is not lost on me. I am Thankful. * With the #sentimentalpost as usual, my favorite @dvmnpigeonny glasses on and obv #acquadigio .
More of Mykki’s Heart broken open so others can partake.
Listen. We had an extraordinary time. Nothing but beautiful shared energy the whole night through. Thank you #outfest #revry #shotime #mykkiblanco #outfestfusion And IF YOU HAVE NEVER been inside a Mykki Blanco performance. I dont really have words. The second slide was all i captured bc i needed to BE THERE. But the way she honors anger and punk energy and adds it in with all the other colors of an honest, glamorous, provoking, unifying show. I can’t explain it just treat yourself and let your heart receive this gift!!! * * And I was certainly wearing #acquadigio in my boy band moment. Just FYI *wink and lip bite*
Today I thought it might be interesting to see “a Bath with Depression”. That’s what these stills are from. The #1 thing people use to discredit me in an argument is my mental illness. Instead of “I think you’re an asshole and incorrect” they say “I understand that it might be hard for you to be a good person because of your depression” or “yeah, like I’d listen to someone who is bipolar”. With the pious attitude of a saint. Said by people who would never even dream of intentionally (verbally) placing bias or stigma to mental illness. Truth be told when I hear someone struggles with their brain, my knee jerk reaction is to discredit them too. I distance myself so ppl don’t think *I’m* crazy. Where they were artistic before, now they are unhinged. I start hoping I can dismiss their feelings bc they seem complicated and I don’t want to have to work that hard. I think they’re going to turn on me. I try to be vocal about my depression. In an unnerving way and not in a cute flippant way. It is embarrassing. It gives people a weakness to press when angry. I have to arm myself with confidence to trust my mind and heart- when my mind is the enemy. As I continue my journey, what if i find out my brain has more imbalances and disorders than I thought? What if I AM bipolar. I find out that the tenuous trust I had fostered with my brain had to be dismantled. I have to start all over again with new information on what the truth vs feelings are. Does that now mean EVERY cruel thing a person has said in anger is also correct about me? Sometimes I'm afraid I will stay in this bed forever, and that will be the story of my life. "So much potential" I see them saying at my funeral, “I just wish they'd have gotten past themselves”. So what can I do in bed? How can I try to fulfill my purpose from inside here? Sometimes I do try to make art while stuck inside my stasis. Even in prison people can pray to the goddesses. * * * * * * #depression #endstigma #ordowhatyouwantIdontcare
I hardly recognize myself in this. Which is always so nice, to see yourself in an unfamiliar way. Also what a perfect light ray in the 2nd pic.
I don’t know what I’m going for with these. Copy and paste to the rest of my life. * * *. I posted a YouTube video of what I really tried to say tonight re: scratching the surface of so much anger. I don’t know what keyword you could use to search for it. * This was the only mockneck clean.
My thoughts precisely. Sound on.
Brothers. 02/20/2018 It is not that fun to publicly express certain things that hit my gut. Things that are most important and sacred to me. Deaths. My dating life. Political/Human Resistance. The thousand tiny observations i get to digest from the world every day. Holy moments that sharing will introduce too many ppl, and the need for approval, into. * * This photograph is extremely precious to me. It brings up the scandal of my gender identity to myself. It brings up how much i love matching with ppl and how much fear I live in, thinking others will find me simple, or think i have a crush if i am allowing connection. * * This was a moment I felt truly supported in weird and wild ways I dont feel like typing about. I would like to call more of this into my life. Ease. Allowing kismet to flourish all around. Universe: I struggle to let go of my resentment of life, but Thank you for the first 33. I’d like to play the next section with more intentionality, moments with people and bated breath, more music and sound checks, and far less caring/pressure. Actual #birthday post. * * * * #lefleur
Honestly I just like that someone is sitting on my butt. It is very empowering to know you’re an effective chair. It’s my birthday week and I’ll post every hour if I want to! More from the day I gushed about already so * * w/ @coloredcraig * * * * * #marcjacobs baggoo #fentyxpuma shoes #moschino and @florabundia shirts w/ a heavy fashion flex.
Wearing things that are too small or ill fitting is an interest. I think there’s an automatic purity to it. The babe in this pic missed their big conference call to land the self tanner contract. Or maybe their ex died before giving them back their car. It’s hard to tell. Pic by @coloredcraig duh
2 of 90 “THE virgin”
I kept trying to juxtapose how I felt to how I looked. I felt King covergirl sexy cuz I was having fun even tho i knew damn well these swim goggs w/my dirty nasty feet are NOT the l👀k. Pic by @coloredcraig as usual.
How could I possibly ever filter this. Me and my friend @coloredcraig got together a bit ago and just played and played. You’ll be seeing some of it. I just gotta gush- the freedom to work out expression even if you don’t know if you like it yet is sometimes life-saving for me. This was a day like that. A soul like Craig’s is not lost on me.
U all rly don’t know shit about Fanny packs you can shelf a whole cat on top of. Broder rocking the 20lb fanny pack since 1991