There's beeen something sitting very heavy on my heart lately. . It's a huge part of my story that ive never been brave enough to share. . Its the part in all of my "about me's" that Ive casually glazed over because i was too scared. . But lately I've been following and getting to know these brave women on Instagram who have been FEARLESS in telling their own stories....and I've decided that i need to use my own platform, as tiny as it may be, to spread awareness on certain topics that are very important to me. So here it goes: . I was raped. . It's how i lost my virginity, actually. . I was the girl who had planned on not having sex til marriage- without a doubt, was never a sliver of a temptation, set in stone. . I was raped by a guy who sat next to me in an assigned seat in my history class in my first year of college. And he continued to sit next to me for the remainder of the semester loooong after the fact. . I spent the rest of that year with no self worth. Sex was invaluable. I was invaluable. I continued to have sex because it meant nothing to me and i thought "Well if that guy could have me, why not the other guys it doesnt matter anyway, i almost....owe it to them." . I hated myself every day. . I wanted my life to end. . I even went back to my rapist virginity-stealer to have sex with him JUST so i could be the one in control that time. . I stopped going to class. I didnt care about anything. And no one in my life understood the darkness. But neither did I. . I didnt understand until years later. YEARS. . Up until then, i thought it was all my fault and that i was just disgusting and useless. . Writing this makes me sob...I want to give that girl the hugest hug and hold her and tell her "IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY. YOU ARE PERFECT." . But i didn't understand that til just a few years ago... When taking care of mymind and body came into play. . This is a huge part in my story. Health and fitness saved me. . I became strong and self aware. I saw myself in an entirely new light. I am unapologetically me and I embrace who i am every day. . I apologize to all sexualt assault victims that it's taken me this long to talk about. I am here for you.