Today behind the smile is a mother who feels like a failure. .
This is not a woe is me post.
But an honest part of bereaved motherhood and I need to be honest and sit in how I feeling....
I’m a failure as a mother
My failure to provide
My failure to nurture
I’ve failed having given up my income
My failure to be happy
My failure to move on
My failure to keep my baby safe.
My failure to grow my baby
My failure as a partner
I’ve failed my dogs
Failing to upkeep a house.
My failure to be able to give Arthur a birthday he deserves & how different and difficult it will be this year compared to his last 3.
My failure to myself and allowing myself be the best person I can be. .
I wish I could be the person I was this time last year.
I want so much for this not to be my reality and story.
If I had an option, I know I would take having him here with me than where I am today ANY day. .
My exhaustion has hit a whole new peak and functioning is hard.
So much guilt, so much grief and so many feelings of failure.
This is just today. Maybe it’s tomorrow.
Hopefully the light comes over and I can enjoy to love and smile without guilt and fear. .
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